Thursday, September 29, 2011

up all night

Isn't that the name of a new TV show? I bet I would identify with it now more than ever and would find it quite amusing. I should watch it.

When I wrote that title it's because we are. Miss Lucy naps and sleeps like a champ all day long and decides to have her crying sessions during the night.

Hungry? Couldn't be.
Hot? Nope.
Cold? No way.
Want to be swaddled? Sometimes.
Want to be walked around and around and around? Usually but not always.
Want to snuggle? Sometimes.
Just crying? Ok.

It's painful to listen to her scream. Hurts the ears, but emotionally it's hard on me. I want to help her, fix her, make her all better like mamas do. I want to be patient and loving and gentle because she deserves that. I find that my great soothing skills can go out the window when I'm over tired. I enjoy sleeping at night. I do not enjoy naps. So if we could get this night thing down, I'd be a happy camper. I don't mind getting up to feed her. I really love holding her and seeing her always. I just do not enjoy the crying sessions she has had after her feedings.

We are working on it. Sorry, Lucy, you're parents are brand new at this. We'll get it eventually. Hoping you got lots of sleep last night. :)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

yesterday was lovely

Yesterday I was honored at work with a baby shower for sweet Lucy. I was shocked with how many people came, even some old friends came back for it. It was shocking because we have such a new staff this year and some of those girls I have hardly spoken to. They came and bought me presents. It was really sweet. We got tons of stuff and apparently the word is out that we don't bathe Lucy, since many of the gifts were bath related. :) My grade level team threw the shower for me. They spent their time and money to make sure I felt special. It was truly a blessing and I'm overwhelmed with how loving everyone has been throughout this journey.

It's funny the things you probably never thought about. When a woman is pregnant, especially with her first baby, everyone swoons. People want to talk about your growing belly (I realize this can get old or annoying, but get over it. Not everyone has that luxury.) and you have a shower that recognizes that your baby is coming soon. Everyone is helping you prepare by showering you with gifts and giving you lots of attention.

Well, adoption is different. People don't ask about your growing belly because you don't have one. People don't always know how or what to ask if they do genuinely care and want to know about it. It is not often recognized in advance with a shower as that is not wise to do in case of a disruption. People don't shower you with attention and gifts helping you prepare for your little one. It's hard. Call me selfish, but there is a big part of me that just wanted to do this whole thing the traditional way. I wanted all the attention and the swooning over my pregnant belly. I wanted a shower to help me prepare for my first baby.

This was something I really struggled with before Lucy was here and while we were waiting to be matched with her. It felt like our time of preparation was quite lonely. Please don't misunderstand me. Our families and friends were genuinely happy for us and celebrated and cried with us the whole way. We knew our support systems were strong. We I just missed out on all that fun before-hand stuff.

We have been abundantly blessed by God through you since Lucy has been here. It has been absolutely incredible to see the amounts of love that are poured out through meals being prepared for us, gifts given, time spent, and true excitement shown. We cannot express how we have been touched by the emails, cards, phone calls, and visits. Lucy is so loved. We are so loved. Thank you for making our experience of having our first born so memorable.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The doctors say our sweet girl is doing great. After her first appointment she got her foot poked again. I appreciated the stylish bandage. I think she did too. She didn't even cry when they poked her. What a trooper!

She slept through her first hair washing at home. It cracked me up. It also cracked me up that Cam thought I had the water too hot, when really she was just peeing on him. :)

Her hair curls up after she gets a bath. Somehow it straightens back out when it's dry. I can't wait to see what her hair will be like... curly or straight, fro or not. I seriously can't wait. I hope it's crazy and a little fro-ish. I have no idea how to do that kind of hair, but I would truly love it.

Just thought you might want to see a few pictures. :)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

neglected blog


I know it's been a while. I've neglected the blog. There is no doubt about it. I've had good reason though. My neglected blog means that my daughter has been given the attention and swooning she deserves. We've been doing a whole lot of snuggling and watching and caring for our precious little girl.

She went to the doctor on Wednesday for her two week check up. It's crazy that she is already older than two weeks. She is starting to change already. Her diapers that her skinny legs would swim in are already tighter. Her onesies are getting more snug. It's amazing. Don't worry, her double chin is growing (she started with that). The doctor said she looks great and that she is gaining the weight that she should be. I have really loved our doctors and the time they spend with us answering questions and just rambling about her daily happenings. I'm sure out of all that rambling on they get the info they are looking for. We've been very pleased with the support they have given us as far as the adoption goes. They have had many adopted patients before, so they are really great at helping guide us.

We have had so many wonderful, cozy days at home lately. I hate that Cam has gone back to work. I especially hate it because my nights can be really long at times. We miss him when he's gone though. I can't wait for his weekend each week!

We are having so much fun. We've had lots of fun photo sessions too. I have got to go... the girl is hungry. I'll try to be better with updates. Lucy is just the most important thing. :)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

meet lucy

I know you've waited to get your eyes on this sweet little girl. Thank you for your patience in waiting to see pictures. We were being cautious and waiting until the birth family signed their final paperwork. That means that we are out of the uncertain place not knowing if she would get to stay with us forever. Our adoption won't be final for months still, but she is ours.... for good. Praise God!

Meet Lucy Jane Wisdom

Isn't she perfect? This is one loved individual. We are so proud and honored to be her parents. 

Friday, September 16, 2011

firsts for little lucy

We have had many firsts in the past few weeks. Life has been changing. Things have been amazing, hard, challenging, fun, and exciting. Lucy was one week on Wednesday. Crazy.

She had some firsts that made Cam and I crack up the other day. Within 12 hours of each other, Lucy had her first blow-out diaper, she peed all over my sheets (not her sheets, mine), and she spit up big time on the couch. Way to go, Lucy. You are breaking us in.

Life has been some kind of wonderful these days. Loving every minute of it.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

be flexible

"Be flexible" is our agency's motto for the adoptive family, especially during the hospital time. That has proven to be necessary for us with the changes and extra days without bringing our little girl home. We just had to wait and deal with it. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. It was another way God has stretched us and given us stronger legs to stand on. We spent two nights without her and with broken hearts. Although we struggled through that time, it is nothing compared to the number of nights her birth mom will spend without her. That helps put it into perspective for me. When I feel bad for myself, I just think of Lucy's birth mom and the horrific pain she is going through emotionally. I cannot imagine being separated from this little bundle of joy for a minute, so the thought of a lifetime is overwhelming.

Be flexible. Papers did not get signed today. Lucy's birth mom is on too many pain medications due to physical complications to sign papers right now. Breathe deep and be flexible.

I don't think she is wavering in her decision to place Lucy with us. I don't think she is stalling. I don't think anything bad will happen for us in this. I am trusting that the peace I feel about everything is from God. I know that no matter what happens, God loves me and cares about the little pieces of my life. He will never leave me and Cam and He will never leave Lucy Jane. God is good.

I really don't think birth mom will change her mind at all, but it is the gigantic elephant in the room. It's that final piece of this part of the puzzle. It will give us the ability to rest easy and celebrate that she gets to be our daughter for good. Paper signing has been moved to Friday. Hold on to your britches, didn't I tell you this would be a bumpy ride?! We'll keep you updated.

By the way, Lucy Jane Wisdom is one week old today. She's growing up too fast already!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

sorry for the delay

I never updated you on the formal paperwork signing that was scheduled for Monday. Sorry! That meeting got moved to Wednesday. Lucy's birth mom is having more physical complications from the delivery than expected and she's had to go to several doctor's appointments. Please pray for her and her recovery. I know she is in a lot of pain right now physically. I can only imagine dealing with that on top of the emotions from the whole adoption placement as well. Please, pray for her.

Cam and I feel at peace with the paperwork that should be signed tomorrow. We have been texting and chatting over the phone with the birth mom and birth grandma (& great-grandma too for a minute). We feel that they are at peace with the decision at this point. Yay. I'll update when I know for sure about the papers. Until then, continue dreaming of what her sweet little face looks like. I'll share pictures when I know she can stay home for good. :)

Until then we will go back to staring at her, fighting over who gets to hold her, and just relaxing. Life is good right now, my friends. We are enjoying every second of our first born daughter. We know these days won't last so we will savor them. Praise God for the days we've had with her. Keep praying for everything to move forward and that we get many, many more days with her... maybe 18 years worth before she decides to fly the nest!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

pray for tomorrow!!

We are so lucky, blessed, thankful for our beautiful daughter. We are soaking up every minute of her! Pray for us, tomorrow is a big day with our adoption agency. It is when official paperwork will be signed with the birth mom. Pray for lots of peace and healing and guidance. And pray she gets to stay ours forever!!

I will sit down tomorrow and share some more about our little miracle baby. We just love her.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Waking up full of awesome

I read this post today and it made me really happy to have a little girl. I hope she always wakes up full of awesome. Enjoy!

Lucy is cute again today. I think she remembers Cam and I from yesterday and the day before. It's my motherly instincts. They tell me she knows me. We got to spend some time with her today. We get to pick her up around 6 or 7 tonight. Yay!

a visit to see Lucy

Yesterday was rough. We really miss little Lucy and had to spend the day away from her. We got news around 7:00 last night that birth mom would be ok with us visiting. We, of course, ran out the door. We spent around 3 hours at the hospital with the birth mom and little Lucy girl. It was my favorite time we've had through this process.

We got the joys of holding and seeing our baby- AMAZING. She was clean this time, so she looked so beautiful and perfect. The thing that made this visit so wonderful was the quality time we spent with birth mom. We usually see birth mom in a group or at least with her mom present and things are usually busy with lots going on. Well, birth mom usually sits back in groups and is kind of quiet. We always watch and try to read her, but she doesn't say much and we don't have a lot to go off of. Last night it was just us and her and that little girl we all love. We had an amazing visit with her. She was so chatty and it was cracking me up since I don't usually see her like that. She was comfortable with us and silly. She opened up about the whole adoption process and shared so much about her feelings. She and I were crying and I was loving every second of it. It was the kind of conversation that I wanted to remember every single word of so I could refer back to it when I wanted to. The truth is that I don't remember everything she said. I don't even remember half of what she actually said. I did, however, walk away knowing that she loves Lucy, she's happy with her decision to place her for adoption, and she is happy that it is with us. Enough said. I'm overjoyed at the sound of that news.

It was then that I wanted to thank her. I shared part of our process with this adoption and our feelings. We talked about how thankful we are for her and her openness to us and our families. But I couldn't really express how much I just wanted to say thank you. I guess when the time is right it will come out the way I really mean it. She truly is a strong, loving, amazing woman. I admire her very much and God is using her to touch my life in so many ways. Again, my cup runneth over.

I find myself crying a lot these days. I cried before she was born in the days leading up to it. I was just so tired and scared. I cried when she was born because she is perfect and I got to witness a miracle and I loved her so much that it just hurt. I cry now because I miss her and I'm overwhelmed by the thought of her. She is so lovable and precious and I long for the moments of getting to hold her and care for her.

Today is the day. We have an appointment this morning to do some paperwork. We'll go back late this afternoon to pick her up. Today will  be rough again. We keep just trying to stay busy, but there is nothing we want to do but have her. It's going to feel like a long day. I get to see her in three hours from now and that is good enough for now. I'll take what I can get. By the way... her hair is straight after her bath. She has a full head of thick, black hair. I am in love. I will post pictures when she is home for good. Hang in there a little longer. I know you want to see her and I can't blame you. She is gorgeous. I will leave you with this one photo. It will have to do for now. Isn't her hand beautiful!!!?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

baby girl is born

Tuesday night I went to sleep to be ready for a 2 am inducing of our birth mom. I feel asleep easily, which I almost always do, and slept for about 3 hours. I woke up around 1 am to shower and get things ready so that we could go to the hospital a little after 2 since that was when our birth mom was supposed to get there for her induction.

At 3 am we got a call that they still had not settled her into her room but that we could come any time. We waited a little bit and then drove over. After we had parked and walked over there it was about 4:00 am. Once we were there the nurse came in and let us all know that they would not give her pitocin until 7:00. Why in the world was she there at 2? Poor girl, I know she was tired already.

We killed time until 7 when they came in to start her pitocin. Guess what... that tired nurse at the end of her shift said she started it but didn't. We discovered that about an hour later. That was frustrating for everyone. So, at about 8 she got induced. Her contractions got really strong and just a few minutes apart. It was miserable to watch our birth mom in labor. I know she was in so much pain and there is nothing to do to help. It was awful. I couldn't even give her the assurance of how it will all be worth it. That is the kind of thing I would tell my sisters or best friends. I didn't have those words for her and it was really hard. I just prayed for her quietly and sat quietly for most of the time.

It was amazing to watch our birth mom. She is a very laid-back, calm person. She is pretty quiet too. She would be in the middle of a conversation and would just stop talking, close her eyes, and breathe deep during a contraction. I don't think people believed how much pain she was in because of how she was handling herself. I really admired her as I watched.

The day went on and on. Her doctor finally came in at noon to deliver the baby. I watched the whole thing and it was the most amazing experience. As soon as she came out, the birth mom's grandma hugged me hard and said, "that's your baby."It was surreal to watch her come into this world and think about her future days with us. We got to be by her as she got cleaned up and weighed.

Lucy Jane Wisdom was born Wednesday, September 7th at 12:12. She weighs 7 lbs. 4 oz. and she is 19.5 inches long. She has a full head of curly, dark hair (yay!) and she is seriously gorgeous. We will be honored to be her parents. 

I got to feed her first and second bottles. I was so happy to get to do that.

We spent the next few hours holding her and examining her and allowing our birth mom to sleep as much as that tired girl could. The birth family invited our parents to the hospital. Since Cam's dad lives in Palm Springs, he couldn't make it. My parents got to come and see us in the hospital. That was an amazing and generous thing for them to do. We looked at each other in the room holding Lucy and talked about how blessed we are to have be included in that part. It was truly amazing and they didn't have to include us in it. We are so thankful they did.

Then we went home. We said goodbye, walked out of the room, and cried. It was awful. We are home until discharge, which will be today or tomorrow. Our agency is with her now going through things. Hopefully we will know more about when she's leaving the hospital. For now, we just wait.

I will update you with more later. I will post pictures when I feel comfortable to do so.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Day

Here is everything you wanted and didn't want to know about the mundane things I'm doing today.

I have been busy today. I got up and ran with my mom for the last time before I become a mama myself. I will really miss my morning workouts with my mom. They have been something to treasure as I've spent more hours of quality time with her than most people can say they have with their own moms. She's a good marm. We will still work out, but there will be changes and with that comes some inconsistency from the 6 day a week schedule we've been operating on. The run was good this morning.

Next on the list, as usual, was coffee. Sweet, sweet coffee. It makes the world go round.

Then I was off running errands to pick up a few last-minute things I needed today. On my way home from running errands, I took the long way home. I drove slowly, listened to music, praised God for this little girl about to enter my life, and I cried. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Then I potted a few plants for my front porch. They make me happy. I'm sure I'll kill them soon. Cameron refers to me as the "tomato assassin" because I have killed many tomato plants. I don't just stick with tomatoes, I kill all plants equally. Good luck, little flowers. You have to be strong to live here (if you're a plant).

Then I baked these delightful little things. You guessed it, they're scones. I've been making these all summer. We needed some for something later today, so the bonus is that we get to eat them this morning. They are blueberry scones and almond-craisin scones... I bet you're hoping there will be some left when we bring baby girl home so you can have one. Well, there won't be any left. We are feeding 2 boys around here and me and we are good eaters. Plus, some of them are going somewhere else.

The rest of my day will be filled with finishing up a few things in baby girl's room, grocery shopping, and relaxing. The plan is that birth mom will be induced in the middle of the night. We are waiting to find out if they want us there at 2:00 am or if we'll have to go later. We want to be there at 2, so we'll just have to see. I'm going to try to take multiple naps today, even though I really don't like them. I know I need it and it's good for me today, so I'll do it. Hoping to be on the couch with this red blanket, flower pillow, and my book for the next several hours. I must go assume reading position on the couch now. It just so happens to be perfect napping position as well... go figure! Have a lovely day and please continue to pray for us as we get ready for tomorrow.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

5 cm

Well, we found out around 3:00 pm today that our birth mom had been at the hospital for a couple hours. There were unsure of whether or not they would admit her because her contractions were not regular enough. We would be called once they knew if she was staying or not. At 5:30 we found out they are sending her home. Are you serious!? This is driving me crazy.

So she is home and walking. Hopefully. :) So we are making the best of our time and having our hot date we hadn't got around to having. We hope our fancy dinner gets interrupted with an invite to the hospital. Adoption is just different than delivering. We not only have to wait for her to go, but we have to be invited to be there. We have to be wanted. We just continue to pray that we will be wanted because we so badly want to be involved.

We just can't wait. Tonight? Tomorrow? Soon!

Friday, September 2, 2011

making a mess!

Why is it that when my house should be spotless and ready for me to come home with sweet baby girl and not have to lift a finger that it has been turned upside down? Why do I do that to myself. I am cleaning out cabinets, closets, bookshelves, and anything I can get my hands on. I'm anxious for this little life to be born. So, when I'm anxious I make messes. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I just do.

We have been very thankful that God has given peace and comfort in this time. I have been on edge this week (poor Cam) and just frustrated and almost in tears about everything. I trust God and know He has plans for us that we get to see the next part of soon. For that, we can't wait. Thank you for praying. Please keep praying. It was really nice for me to get through the work week. Now if she'd just come on my weekend, it would be oh-so-convenient!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

4 cm but no action

Our birth mom went to the doctor yesterday. She is dilated 4 cm and is 90% effaced. That sounds really exciting, right? Well, she's really not contracting and so there is no action. We will wait.

Tonight I have Back To School Night for my students. I would LOVE to get a call during the presentation and have to leave. That would be awesome. Don't worry, my partner teacher and my long-term sub will both be there, so I wouldn't be leaving the room full of parents.

We keep predicting when it will be and then we get sad when baby girl doesn't come by that point. Are you sick of reading about how terrible it is to wait? I promise to move onto a new topic soon.

Please continue to pray for us. This whole adoption process is not near the end quite yet. Baby girl needs to arrive, then final decisions of the birth parents get made after 72 hours, and then we'll breathe deep. We have a very long, trying road ahead of us that will happen in a relatively short period of time. Please pray for all parties involved that we would have God's peace and comfort, that we would think and speak kindly and with humility, and that we would be flexible to the changes that will inevitably come our way taking us off the plan we have set at this point.

thanks and love you all.