Michael Jackson

Bad is a fan favorite around here. We go through spurts of listening to it a lot. Cameron has some pretty awesome dance moves. Come to think of it, Dain (my brother-in-law), does too.

Our girl likes it too. She requests it for her dance parties. She loves to dance and it's funny to watch her close the door sometimes so we don't watch. Yeah right, Emily, we know you aren't shy! Today she wanted to make a video on our computer. She got a bunch of toys and miscellaneous items and got started. I think she realized that she didn't have a storyline and that's when she called for daddy to come in and turn on the tunes. Don't worry, I have spared you from the 22 minutes and 42 seconds of video. Here is just a snippet.

If you have not yet met our Emily, here she is. She is spunky, funny, gorgeous, and oh-so strange. We love her to pieces!

great endings

This weekend has been long and not all that fun. There were fun parts to it, but overall it's been work and frustration. We've had a million and one errands to run and the house, despite my best efforts, is a train wreck. I'm sure you're thinking, "Get over it, you have kids now. The house will always be a mess." But it's hard for me. It feels yucky and I'm not a big fan. So I complain a lot and wish it would be clean. Maybe I need to try cleaning more. Oh well. Let's move on.

There have been some things this weekend that were very special. We had a visit with some of the girls' birth family. We met them at Peter Piper and all the kids played. Lucy just screamed any time someone other than me wanted to hold her. This is her thing and has been since she was about 3 months old. It's nothing personal. If you aren't mama, she doesn't want you to hold her for longer than a few minutes. Our friend jokes that she has a 5 minute time limit. Oh, he's not joking. It's not 5 minutes either. She usually won't make it that long. It's the really dramatic crying too, complete with tears and shaking sometimes. She stops instantly when she thinks I'm taking her back. My hands don't even have to be on her yet and she'll usually stop. It's sweet and all that she loves me so much, but man, it's tricky when people just want to love on her. We'll always wonder: is it because she's adopted or would she have always been that way?

Back to the story... The visit was good, but this was the hardest one on Emily. She's processing. The wheels are turning. I know she's hurting, but it's hard to know how to comfort her and what the right things are to say. Although I never want her to feel sadness and hurt, I think this was the best visit so far. It seems like it's hitting her that this whole adoption thing is for good. She is settling into her new life and learning to deal with that comes with having a new life, and that is that she's had an old one. That is a strange concept and we are working through it with her.

More good things: my oldest, dearest, best friend bought the girls some books and brought them by today. We sat in my living room playing with toys, reading books, catching up. It was lovely. It was just what I needed. When chatting about how it's hard to feel connected to friends is tough right now because of how needed I am at home, I said, "who else would want to come and do this with me?!" This is how I have to hang out right now. It's not coffee or dinner with the girls. It's not shopping or lunch or even phone calls right now. It's someone texting to see if I'm home right then and then just coming over, whether I liked it or not. I did like it, by the way. Thanks, Bex, for being wonderful.

I won't go into the draining, tiring, hard parts of the weekend. I will not bore you (or humor you) with my discipline situations from this weekend.

I will tell you this: we had a wonderful bedtime tonight and I snuggled Emi into bed and held her tight, thanking God for my daughter. I also thanked Him for great endings. It's exactly what I needed to an overwhelming weekend.

thankful

Today I took Lucy to a doctor's appointment. I went alone, just me and my little 7 month sweetie. This doctor's appointment wasn't a routine check up. She's not sick right now either. It was an appointment to get results from some blood work we had to get for her. I took her to Phoenix Children's Hospital for the appointment. We had to go to the cancer and blood diseases center there. It was sitting in that waiting room I was completely overwhelmed and floored by the reality of how good I have it.

Lucy doesn't have a disease. She is just fine and doesn't even have something that changes anything about her daily life. We didn't even get new information today. It was just a confirmation of some things we already thought we knew from her routine pediatric appointments. Praise God for that!

I sat in a chair and watched kids come in for appointments wearing masks. Some wore hats to cover their bald heads from chemotherapy. All of them looked a little sad. It was in those moments of sitting there that I thanked God for my health, Cameron's health, and the girls' health.

A friend of ours always links a website to her facebook page for this little girl, Kate. I have read her story, looked through the pictures, wept for her and her family, and prayed for her healing. She is battling cancer and she is just a doll. I don't know Kate and had never met her before today. As Lucy and I were walking out with our great news of never having to go back there, I saw this beautiful little face I recognized. I stopped and asked if this was Kate and told them how Leah puts her link on FB all the time. Kate wasn't feeling well, as she has recently gotten treatments that take a toll on her, but her sweet face and eyes we unmistakable. I chatted with her mom for a minute and then Lucy and I went on our way.

I drove away sad. I battled with the fairness of my healthy child and their sick child. I want to not think about it, so I try to push it away and then I find myself on her website looking at pictures, praying, and thinking about her. So, pray for Kate. Pray for her family. God knows her heart, inside and out. God's hands are all over her life, even in the places I might not know or see. I trust in that.

more easter

We colored Easter eggs twice. I never quite got the perfect pictures I had in my head that I wanted to document our first holiday together. Oh well... I'm tired and lucky if I get a shower and out the door on time these days. :) Here are some of the girls. 

Don't judge me letting my baby suck on this egg. She also had it after it was dyed. Not for long, but she definitely had it. There is my very concerned niece watching the spectacle. 

Matching Easter dresses for church. These dresses were bought for the girls by their birthfamily. :)

Second of the four egg hunts she went on this day.

Easter sisters. How did we get so stinking blessed with the most beautiful girls on the planet?

Not sure why I didn't include these on the last post. I guess I just wanted to say hi again.

Easter

Easter was a wonderful first holiday to have with our Em. We had lots of opportunities to talk about Jesus and see where she is with knowing Him. Our church did Resurrection Eggs, so we had something to talk about each day leading up to Easter. It was a much needed Bible time with our little girl.

Easter day was really interesting for me. I was the bunny for the first time. I was the only one home for the indoor egg hunt since Cam had to work. We ate breakfast with family. We visited other family. Then ate dinner with other family. (We have a lot of family close by and see them often.) Needless to say, we were busy. There was also candy, sugar, presents involved. Exhausting day coupled with excitement and visiting a lot of people meant that we had a few blow ups throughout the day. Easter was good, not perfect or always fun, but good.

Beautiful girl.

Thanks, Missy, for taking some pics for us.

I'm thankful that Jesus died and rose again. It's sad how often I don't stop and think about that. It is the reason I have life.

this morning

If your day didn't start with a song while looking in the mirror and wearing a cowboy hat, you're off to a worse start than my Em. Love her spunk!

Thank you

Thank you for reading my blog. Sometimes I re-read it and realize all the ways I wish I could have communicated a thought differently. Sometimes my grammar and punctuation are wacky and wrong. Sometimes I ramble on and on about things.

I feel so thankful to share our story. I know that our families that live far away can read and see pictures more often than they normally would if I did not blog. I have received comments and emails from some people that I really don't know that have connected with our story in some way. We thank God for using this blog to bring our story to you.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your comments. Thank you very much for loving our girls through this blog.

On a different note...
The past week has been challenging. I have been tested as a parent and pushed to my limits. I have shouted and been at a loss of what to do. I have been angry and frustrated. I have wanted to hide in my closet and cry. I have had some not-so-proud moments.

Did I just describe your week too? I hope I'm not alone on this. We are all adjusting very well. Our family has a peace right now that can only be from Christ himself. Emily is a wonderful little girl. She isn't bad or anything, but we are different than where she came from. The expectations in our house come from Cameron and me, which will obviously differ from where she came from since her birthfamily isn't us. There are days she is frustrated with us being on her about things. There are days we are frustrated for having to be on her so often.

It seems like TV privileges is where it hurts the most. We are not TV people, so it's easy for us to not have it on all day. We are trying to use that effectively so it doesn't wear off too quickly. There needs to be a parenting book with a list of behaviors and potential consequences. None of that explaining it business, just give me a quick reference list so I can peruse it when I have a quick second. Does this book already exist? It's different from going into parenting without being there from the beginning and it's tough at times (all the time) to navigate. The Lord will help us, I know.