October

October rolled around. Emily came home from school with lice. That pretty much consumed our lives for ten days or so. We spent hours every day doing treatments on the poor girl and cleaning everything. Sheets come off in the morning and go straight into the dryer. She was constantly being picked and looked at by us. Here she is undergoing one of many treatments. I'm pretty sure she will permanently have dry scalp from all the lice shampoo we put on her every day. If you've ever had it in your house, you understand. It was miserable and the whole time I was pretty sure I had it as my scalp would mysteriously itch every time I thought about it. I never want to go there again.... her hair is in a bun or ponytail every single day since then.

I had my 10 year high school reunion. My best friend, Becca, and I planned it. We had tons of support from other alumni, but seriously... why did I do that to myself? We finished a crazy, busy month of September and dove into another whirlwind. It was a lot to take on but it ended up being really wonderful. We also had some friends get married, which is always a good time. Lots of Saturdays taken up by festivities.

 Then there was Halloween and all my dreams of sewing and making the girls' costumes shattered. Why would I torture myself with not having it turn out in the very little time I could give it? I wouldn't so I didn't. I bought an amazing peacock costume from Hissyfits. Thank you, consignment awesomeness.

Cutest peacock ever.

And our beautiful Belle... She wanted to be a mermaid for the longest time. Then it was fairy or a princess. When her cousin had this gem in her closet in Emily's size we jumped for joy- something else done for me without costing money or insane amounts of time and it was exactly what she wanted. win-win-win. She got to go a little crazy with my makeup too. It's so fun having an older daughter who loves to dress up, play with make up, and be such a girly girl.

We try to hang out with family on Halloween as much as we can. This year some family and friends cam over and we ate dinner and sent the dads out trick or treating with the kids.

The night ended like this. She wasn't quite up for the late night.

And so we finished October a little less sane but we were well-equipped to handle any sort of lice situation that came our way. We juggled a lot of activities and events. Some took a toll on Emily and she struggled through October trying to make sense of all the busy weekends and weekdays. People ask why I didn't take more pictures during this time. My real reply, as sad as it may be, is that I don't really want to remember it that way. We had a lot of hard days. I'm just so glad to be through it.

some more september

So I forgot to mention how my pumpkin had to get surgery in September just to add to all the craziness. She had her adenoids removed and they tried to patch the hole in her right eardrum. She was scared, but such a trooper. Unfortunately, the patch didn't work. We will continue keeping her ear dry with earplugs in the bath and pool. She will have another surgery at age 9. She prays every single night for her healing. It breaks my heart but we are so thankful for how healthy the girls both are.

Lucy's shenanigans started way before this, but they were in full effect. Inside drawers, cabinets, containers of all sorts is where you'd find her. She was on top of everything including the coffee table and dining room table. She was exhausting to keep up with. I think this is also the month we bought a baby gate. It changed my life. Praise God for baby gates! 

Please notice the way she got the bathroom stool and put it next to the chair so she could get all the way up onto the table. Hello, one year old, I was obviously not ready for you to be so crafty! 

September was the beginning of completely crazy, unmanageable schedules. We had weddings, festivities, events galore. We got to see some of our favorite people quite often, so that was wonderful.
I also started watching my nephew full time. I'm tired just remembering it all.

Onto October....

Sweet September

It's been a long time. That's what I said last time I posted, I'm pretty sure.

I have been out of rhythm for blogging and life in general. So- here's to a new rhythm. My old one just wasn't working for our circus family.

I'll have to catch up in stages. We have had some extremely busy months. September was full of stuff. Both girls had birthdays and all the festivities to go with it. We went on our first family vacation too.

Lucy Jane turned one. She took a few steps around her birthday and then stopped for a couple weeks. Since then she just got up and started walking around like it was nothing. I can't even believe how blessed I am to be her mama.

Emily Natalia turned seven. She had more celebrations for her birthday than anyone else. Heart waffle breakfast, ice cream party with girlfriends, Disneyland... You'd think this girl would be nothing but thrilled, right? Well, this year being her first birthday with us was hard. She longs to have her old life and it tends to magnify at special events and holidays. We continue on and hope for happy birthdays in the future.

This was Emily's first sight of Cinderella's castle. I love this expressive girl. 

Emily's favorite ride was the Matterhorn. We rode it one million times. 

We drove over to the beach during our trip so the girls could see the ocean for the first time. It was cold so we didn't swim except Cam. Emily dug holes and buried Grandpa Jer's feet.  Lucy and I were busy sitting on our blanket eating pretzels and warding off seagulls. Eventually the seagulls won but I'm pretty sure someone was taping it so I'm probably famous on youtube. Proud moment.

Let me tell you- these girls are built for road trips. They were both amazing. They were relaxed and happy for hours in the car both ways. They napped and played with toys. Dreams come true. 

Somewhere during this month she learned this gem of a skill. She has since mastered it.

September was full of things happening. There were many firsts with the girls and lots of fun. There was a lot of heartache too. After months of living with us, this was the first month Emily let it all soak in. She began processing her adoption and realizing that we are her new, forever family. Although that may sound happy and wonderful, for her it means saying goodbye to her former life and all those people. We still have visits and see them periodically, but that doesn't change how hard it is for her to be away from them. So, September had a lot of bitter moments in it as well. I know it's imperative for her to have those as she processes, but it certainly doesn't make it easy to watch and help.

my life exploded

There are no words. Well, I guess the best description would be to say that my life has recently exploded.

We've been hit hard- sickness, finances, car problems, sickness, acting out behaviors, sickness, planning event after event, stress, stress, stress. I don't even want to write down what it's been like at our house since August. I probably should though because we may go down in history as THAT family that exploded from stress.

We felt like this sometimes.

The good news is that about a week ago I found my joy again. My eyes turned upward and God rescued my sad, self-pitying heart. He changed me. again.

I began to breathe deep and find things to enjoy. I did some things for myself. I did things for other people. I ate ice cream. alot. I went on a date with my husband. Yes, one date in the past few months. I prayed more, cried less, and gained a vision for our family that I had lost sight of.

God wouldn't build our family this way and then leave us. God wouldn't have me quit my job to stay home with my girls and then just leave us. He wouldn't drop us off in the middle of this crazy life and then high tail it out of here.

He wouldn't do that and he didn't.

He has definitely made me wait for things, which if you know me in real life that is the worst possible thing He could have me do. He has given me ample opportunities to trust Him. He has allowed me to parent my girls the way I thought was best and then gave me grace when I made mistakes.

I don't want to walk these past few months again.

so many things happening

I feel like I can't even begin to describe the craziness that has been going on around here. Highlights:
Baby turned one.
We had a party.
Baby and husband have been sick.
Big girl got ear surgery today.
Baby is switching from bottles to milk.

There are so many more things that have been going on in the midst of these family milestones and important events. Needless to say my house is a disaster. Laundry is taking over. I'm tired.

I wish I had it in me to post about sweet Lucy's party or Emily's ear surgery. I don't though.

Maybe tomorrow....   that's what I keep saying.

the two step

Today my sweet, first baby took two steps. We learned yesterday that she could stand in the middle of the room with no furniture within her reach. She liked that we all thought it was so funny and exciting. Today she stepped twice before reaching for the ground. My heart swells with pride, excitement, love. Then it sinks. My baby girl turns one this week. I don't understand how time has escaped me.

We've had our biggest year yet and it astounds me that it is coming to an end so quickly. I have spent each phase of trying to soak in the greatness of who Lucy is at that moment. I remember celebrating the little moments of new things she could do along the way and thinking how happy I was for her to be just who she is right this second. I didn't really look too far ahead to the next milestones. I wasn't ready for her to eat solids at 4 months. We waited until almost 7. I wasn't ready for her to crawl. In fact, I may have pulled her legs out from under her more than once to soak in another moment of my non-mobile baby. I wasn't ready for her to begin climbing on chairs and jumping up and down on them, or to climb on top of our coffee table and play with her toys up there. I was always really happy she was learning and growing, but I was never really antsy for the next thing to happen. Well, here she goes. She is learning to walk. Welcome toddler-hood. I am so not ready for you.

This month Lucy turns one and Emily turns seven. Two birthdays this month and they are the first ones both girls will be celebrating with us. (Actually we got to go to Emily's birthday party last year right after Lucy was born, but first as her parents.) We have big birthday plans this month.

I think someone needs to show me how to put one of these contraptions on one of the little humans. Maybe someone needs to show her how to lie still and not flip over furiously and crawl away screaming while I attempt to cover her hind parts. Also, someone needs to come to my house and paint my awful baseboards. I'll pay you in food and let you play with my children. Just think about it.

Meet Emily Howell

Here she is. She is such a beautiful, wonderful daughter and I am so blessed she's mine. forever. She has a new name and what I hope to be a newfound stability in her life. 

We went to court last week to finalize our adoption. We were thankful people we love came to celebrate. A few went to the courthouse and most went to our house for Emily's cupcake party she's been planning since March.

We had one our hardest weeks leading up to our court date in regards to behavior and discipline. She was definitely stressed about this transition. I know she loves us and loves being here, but she was hopeful she'd get to live with her old family once again. So she pushed the limits this week. Maybe she was wondering if she'd drive us crazy enough if we wouldn't adopt her forever. Maybe we wouldn't want to be her parents anymore. It breaks my heart to think about what she was going through. Sorry, sweet daughter, you will never get rid of us. We will never go away. Start accepting that now.

I often joke with Emily about how I love her too much and will never allow her to move out of the house. She will have to get married and live in her bedroom with her new husband. If they have babies, the baby will have to live in her bedroom with them. We recently decided that she could move in next door instead of having to live in our house. That way she'd have extra room for her children. It sounds silly but it's also hard to explain forever. I will always be your mom. Even when you are grown, it's me. You will always come home to us for money and safety and advice. I want her to know that.

 Her adoption day was very different than Lucy's. Emily was nervous. The judge talked to her and she had to answer. Her nerves were evident as she sat next to me. She would fidget and put her head on the table in front of her. As the judge was talking I began to cry. I cried because I know my sweet girl was suffering a loss. I cried because I gained my daughter forever. I cried because the week before was so hard for everyone in this house and I was just tired and felt like I wasn't sure what to do. I cried because I was so full of joy that God would bless me to be this girl's mother.

When it was over I stood and hugged her. She said, "It's ok, mama!" She was worried about me crying. Sweet, sweet girl. 

We have had wonderful days since the finalization. She has been calm and grounded. We have been praying security for her and God has answered that prayer every day. We even got to visit with her birth family yesterday and she was fine after seeing them. She was happy to see them and enjoyed spending time showing off her school skills she's been working hard on. She wasn't sad, just happy she got to see them.

I'm pretty sure Lucy said, "sissy" for the first time yesterday as she looked at her sister. Sweet ending to a sweet week. God is so good!