new to us truck

To appreciate the cuteness of this post you need to know we went to our agency to sign placement paperwork for Emily. It is papers to make our adoption as formal as it gets until we finalize in court in another 6 months or so. We had talked about what the papers mean and why they are so important (because it means we get to keep you and that everyone will know we are her new parents, etc). That was fresh in her mind when Cam went to buy a car.

Cameron just got a new-to-us old truck. He is really excited about it and I am too. He's wanted a truck since he got rid of his last one. Poor guy has been driving my old car for the past few years. By the way, the old Civic he was driving was my car my fam bought me when I turned 16. I had that car almost 12 years. I was really sad to see it go. So long, Mamajama, you will be missed. (I'm hoping Katie is reading this)

Throughout looking at cars and buying this one in particular, Emily would ask questions about where he was going and what he was doing. One day I heard him explaining it to her that he had to go sign a bunch of papers so he could keep the car, just like we went to sign all those papers to keep you. His explanation had more to it, but you get the point.

Fast forward about a week to this week. I picked up Em from school and she asked where Cameron was. I told her that he was taking care of paperwork for the new truck.

She replied with, "Oh, so he can adopt the truck." :)

spring break

 We had a great spring break. It was not relaxing for me. I did not clean my house at all. I did not get one project done off my list. I really like to do that over break. I wanted to get things done for me.

Instead I was reminded how much my life is not my own. Christ, who lives in me, has given me two girls to pour into. He has entrusted them into my care (& Cameron's) and that often means I don't get to do the things I had planned.

Instead of my list, we played on the floor.

 We dug in the backyard. We actually found bricks under the surface. Emily was pretty sure the leprechaun had something to do with them being there.

  

We watched big sister dig.

We made messes that only got half way cleaned up. The curtain is still pretty shabby... oh well.

We went to the movie at the park and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. 

 We rode bikes and hung out with the cousins.
(Biking and cousins not pictured)
Cameron continued to grow his mustache out for "Mustache March." oh joy.

 We went to the park to try out Emily's new lunchbox. We packed a picnic and then went to play on the playground.

 We did school work at home. Mommy played teacher.

We took Lucy for her 6 month check up. Emily was very concerned about her getting poked so much and was worried about her baby sister. 

 We cheesed it up in our new kitty dress. (thanks, Aunt Susan!) She tries to wear this dress every day. Every single day. I intentionally don't wash it but every couple days.

And Lucy Jane ate food for the first time. She loves it and she sleeps better. All around, a good decision. 

We had a busy spring break. We tried to have pretty "normal" days full of togetherness and not over-the-top things. We are just settling into our new life. It's awesome because it feels like we have gotten into a family rhythm these days. I'm thanking God for that constantly, because it was a little rough before we had it. Hope you had a wonderful week last week.

We go to court to finalize Lucy adoption next week!! I am so excited to have that done and have her officially be a Howell. Then we'll be waiting for Em's.... the fun never ends around here. Wonder when we'll add baby #3 to the mix... maybe we'll wait a while.

meet emily

Here is the sweetest, prettiest, most energetic and excitable six-year old I know (and I know a lot of six year olds). Isn't just gorgeous? She loves to pose for the camera, as you can see here. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out. I love learning her story and who she is. We are watching and listening to see who God created her to be so we can encourage her to be that to the fullest. 

Sweet Emily has changed our lives forever. Love her! 

 best sisters

 We are so thankful that our girls have each other. They adore one another and it is such a blessing to watch. 

Cameron and I have the most beautiful daughters. They both look just like me so I take all the credit. 

Thanks for loving our family. Please continue to pray for us as we transition Emily into our family and are trying to connect and attach. 

adjusting

We are figuring out what our new life looks like. It's a whole lot busier, more wonderful, much louder, tougher in ways, and full of Tinkerbell. We are doing well. I haven't posted a lot since we've gotten Emily. We've been figuring life out. We've been playing with toys and connecting. We've been teaching her how our house and family function as we help her to say "goodbye" to the places and people she has been around until a week ago. We have been busy learning a lot... about her, about attachment, about ourselves, about each other. It's been hard at times, but like I said: our lives are more wonderful this week.

We adore this little girl and so does her baby sister.

Emily's Arrival

Our daughter moved in today. Tonight, actually. She seems to be adjusting well.

We played too long, bathed too long, brushed teeth for too long, went to bed too late. It was well worth it for our first night together.

She is wonderful. I can't wait to share her with all of you.

Picture coming soon. Give us a minute to settle in and snap a few.

big announcement

Lucy is going to be a....

You read it right. Our little girl is going to be a little sister.

Cameron and I have been working on our next addition to our family. We are adopting the sweetest, most beautiful, energetic, talented, smart, wonderful little girl. She is 6 years old and her name is Emily. She comes from the same birth family as Lucy, so we have an amazing connection with everyone already.

This has been in the works since November. We started seeing her for little day visits in December and we've seen every 1-2 weeks since then. We had our first overnight last weekend and are having another one right now. (I have both my little girls asleep in my house right now- yay!) We originally thought we'd be officially moving her into our house in June. Things have changed and she's moving in this week! I know, it sounds crazy. Maybe it is.

I can't begin to explain the many, many ways the Lord has gone before us in this adoption. He has laid the path. We have been presented with many options to run from this or embrace it. We asked the Lord what His will for our family was and when He spoke, we moved.

I am, to say the least, overwhelmed.
My life is changing again. Our little family of two is doubling in a six month time span. I will be enrolling my daughter in school soon. I have bath toys all over the bathroom right now from a 40 minute bath (lucy's baths are 5 minutes). I am still working, which we thought would be different getting her in the summer. I have a daughter with opinions about her room (Lucy thinks anything I hang up is just fabulous). I have to know how to answer her many questions about life. I have to be prepared for many unknowns. We are obviously new to parenting.

God is good. He has created me for this. He will equip me.

I am so excited. Praise God for Emily!

what's in a name?

I was asked often about Lucy's name before she was born and immediately after. People wondered how an adopting family goes about naming the baby. I always meant to explain Lucy's name and the process of choosing it and I don't think I ever did. So, here it goes.

People always wondered things like:

• Who chooses the name in an adoption situation?
• If the birth family chooses something you don't like, you can just change it legally, right?

My answer is: it all depends! 

The name of the game in adoption is always to be flexible. You never know how things will work out until it is. You can't accurately predict adoption. It's challenging for those of us that like to control and direct and be in charge. God taught me a lot during our adoption of Lucy. 

A birthmom can absolutely name her baby. She may or may not include an adoptive parent in the decision. An adoptive parent has every right to change the baby's name legally when you finalize the adoption and get the new birth certificate. An adoptive parent must always consider the relationship that is being formed in an open adoption. 

Lucy's name is very special to us. I think it took our crazy little village to name her. I probably won't be able to explain every piece that went into naming her, but I'll try. Cameron and I had a list of little girl names that we mulled over for months and months. There were a good handful on the list that lasted the test of time. One of those names was Lucy. 

After Lucy's birthmom "chose" us and wanted to be matched with us, the girls went and had a fun day of pedicures and lunch to get better acquainted. She was getting ready to entrust her daughter to us, after all, so a girl day was in order. While sitting and getting our toes done she asked me what names we were considering for the baby. My heart began pounding and I got really nervous to share any of them with her. What if she hated them? What if this would be the deal breaker that made her not want to place her daughter with us? Nervously, I began to explain something. I explained to her that she and I must have similar taste in names because there is a little one in their family by the name of Emily, which was our first choice for a name for a long time. There is also a little one in their family with a name that has "lu" in it and we love the name Lucy. I couldn't even remember all the other names on our list at that time because I was just so nervous. I felt like I really didn't even answer her question because I just told her 2 names that wouldn't work because there are already family members with very similar or same names. 

She said, "oh, that's nice." (she said it really nicely. Lucy's birthmom was really shy with us at first.) I sat in my chair while the lady was going to town on my feet and I just wanted to die. I thought I blew it by rambling and mentioning Lucy and she probably hated that name. Well, a little bit later we went to lunch. After arriving at lunch she said, "I've been thinking about it since you said it and I like that name. Lucy. I like it." 

I sat in my chair at lunch and thought, "Did Cameron really like that name or was that one that I just liked? I hope he liked it because that's going to be her name." We got the seal of approval from the one who would be birthing her. We all agreed.  Her name would be Lucy. It was really important to us that we collaborated on a name with the birthfamily if they wanted to. 

Then they shared that Lucy's birthfather wanted her to have the middle name Wisdom. He wanted her to have that name to be a blessing over her life. He hopes and prays for her to wise. Wow, what an honor to have Lu carry a name given to her by her birthfather with such meaning. Of course we would use that name. 

I have always loved the name Jane. It's a family name on my mom's side. My great grandmother was Lettie Jane (sounds a lot like Lucy Jane). 

Cam has 4 names. The birth family all uses 2 middle names. So, Lucy has 4 names. Match made in heaven! 

Her name is Lucy Jane Wisdom. It's a good name. All the people that love her most contributed to her name. She carries with her a part of all of us. We were blessed with an opportunity to all name her together. I'm sure there are many people with much harder stories about disagreeing. We are thankful for our experience that we were able to have. 

Soon she will officially share our last name too. Our final court date is set for March. Yay! 

missing in action.

Things have been crazy lately. I feel like I write that on every post. I guess life with a baby tends to be...

crazy
chaotic
sweet
busy
amazing
time-consuming
the best way you ever spent your time. 

It's true. It is all of those things. I have not been blogging lately and I'm not entirely sure why. I do believe busyness has been a factor since work has been crazy too lately. I think it's hard for me to share on here at times. There is a lot going on with us (great things!) and it's hard to isolate things without sharing everything. So, I guess I was taking a little break while our family sorts through some stuff and gets situated.

We have had a sick baby around here. A sick baby with a giant bandaid on her head. She has medicine on a boo boo. The result is a bandaid on her head to make sure she doesn't rub her medicine in her eyes. Let me tell you, it's really fun answering the same question over and over again. Did I say fun? I meant annoying. Do you really need to know why my tiny daughter has a bandaid on her head? Why do you think she does? These thoughts go through my head as strangers stop me in Target to inquire.

I bet you never thought a bandaid on your forehead could look so cute.

She is finally in great health again. This poor girl had to be born right before cold/flu season. She has been sick three times in 5 months. I'm ready for some steady health for her.

Have a great day. I promise I'll be back to blogging soon. I know you missed me.

Oh, some exciting news before I go. Our final court date is set for February 16th to finalize our adoption. There is a chance that it's too quick and we'll have to move it back a bit, but for now we are excited for that quick date. We will keep you posted on it and explain the process a bit more too.

talking about adoption

We just adopted for our first time two months ago. We are not experts on the subject, but adoption is something deeply personal for us. The days, months, years leading up to our adoption were times of high highs and low lows. I know that it was a sad time for us, grieving the loss of having a pregnancy. It was a scary time, having to trust God that we are stepping into His will for us. It was exciting, dreaming of our babies we didn't yet know (we still don't know all of them).

There were several times during our time to trying to get pregnant and then while waiting to adopt, that I fell to pieces at the sight of a pregnant person or a baby or a shoe that looked at me wrong. Emotions have been very high for the past few years. I remember all the people in our lives that we love that got pregnant. I remember them because although I was happy for my friends and family, it reminded me of the deepest pain I have ever felt. I tried to never take away from someone's great news by bursting into tears about my own sadness. I can't say I was always successful, but I tried really hard. I will never forget learning that my dear friend, Jessica, was pregnant. She rocks, by the way. She has been such a source of love and support to me during this whole process. She handled her news with such sensitivity and I am forever grateful for that. I remember where I was and the conversation we had about the amazing news that she and Josh would have sweet Esther over the summer.

I never wanted everyone's life to stop and feel sad for me. In the same breath I will tell you that I always wanted everyone's life to stop and feel something for me. I wanted understanding, acknowledgement, and on my bad days I wanted pity from everyone I ever knew. Didn't everyone else feel as bad for me as I felt for myself and can't someone fix this problem?

I know talking to me was not always easy. I know people didn't know what to say or how to say it. They didn't know how to ask questions. They would ask inappropriate questions or say something absurd that would, in turn, cause me to say something back. There is a wonderful blog post about how to be a village around an adoptive family. It is referencing an international adoption, but most things apply to our domestic adoption. It cracked me up to read this woman's thoughts on her friends and loved ones, because so many times people are just trying to love us. It comes out in funny ways sometimes. Read it if you have a chance.

Being all wrapped up in myself was pathetic. It was lonely. It was a waste of my life and my gifts. I began to ask God where my time was to be spent. It was in those lonely, pathetic, self-centered times that God revealed to me a really wonderful gift He has given me. I began to develop that gift and spend my energy thinking about other people more.

I am thankful for the way that Cameron and I grow our family. It has given us countless opportunities to rely on God for provision. It has taught me more lessons than I probably ever wanted to learn. It has brought our family into a connection with a family we might not have ever been close to. It brought us our sweet baby. Thank you, Lord, for adoption. We are so privileged to raise our daughter.

Open Adoption: a visit with Lucy's birthfamily

On Saturday we had a visit with Lucy's birthfamily. It's actually the second time we've seen them since she's been home with us. Both visits have been birthday parties for members of her birthfamily. It was a lot of fun seeing them and look forward to seeing them again at the next visit or party that comes up.

I know some of you are thinking it sounds crazy to have enjoyed seeing them. A year and half ago (or longer) I probably would have thought that idea was crazy too. I remember as Cameron and I began getting serious about moving forward with our adoption, we had a lot of fears of "open adoptions." It seems like having an open adoption where you communicate with and/or have visits with the child's birthfamily would be really scary. Maybe the family will be hard to deal with. Maybe they won't view us as the child's parents and will undermine us to the child. Maybe they will be possessive and pushy. Maybe they will try to steal the child back at some point. Maybe we just won't get along with them. Maybe we won't feel like the parents around them and there will be a sort of battle for the seat at the top as the child's "parents."

These are all thoughts, as crazy or silly as they seem, that have run through our minds as we prepared to adopt. We didn't really know anyone who had an open adoption when we began this journey. These thoughts were coming from a lack of information and experience. Our adoption agency, Christian Family Care Agency, made us go through 2 months of classes before we could be certified to adopt. CFCA greatly values and really only supports open adoptions. There is a lot of research out there that points to how healthy and wonderful openness in an adoption can be for all parties, but especially for the child and the birthparents. We took the classes, willing to hear about it but unconvinced, and we are complete converts! Open adoptions are amazing. I can't wait to see how Lucy's life will be shaped getting to know all the people who love her.

As we sat in our classes, God began breaking down walls that I had up around my heart in this matter of openness. I'm not sure if they were there because we struggled with infertility for so long and having a baby felt impossible. Having that little bit of "control" over not having to know or deal with these strangers giving me their baby may have been the only way I could deal with things. I'm not really sure why the walls were up, but they definitely were. I listened to teachers talk about the relationships that could be formed between families and why they were so powerful in a child's life. Christ began changing my heart. I melted for these birthmoms. I began to weep and pray for the broken hearts of these women as I thought about them at all hours of the day. My heart broke for theirs and the decisions they would be brave enough to make. It's amazing, because Cam's heart was changed too. We both saw the value and the privilege it would be to have such a bond between families.

Before we first met with Lucy's birthmom we didn't know if she would choose us. We knew we wanted to choose her, but realistically we needed to meet with her and get to know her first. We met with her and her mom and we fell in love with the idea that they could be part of our family too. It seemed like a perfect fit for us. I know it doesn't happen that way for all adoptive couples and birthmoms. It's not always a seamless fit. Ours, thankfully, is. We enjoy their company. We respect them and the decisions the whole family helped make to bring Lucy home to us. We know they love our little girl deeply. There's a lot of them and a lot of us, so just imagine how many people pray for Lucy and shower her with love and kisses. What a blessed little girl.

We spent a few hours with Lucy's birthfamily over the weekend. We watched as she got passed around for everyone to gawk over how beautiful and perfect she is. We answered all the questions about how she is sleeping and eating and pooping. We watched Lucy look right at her birthmom and give her a big smile. It was beautiful. God has blessed us with our gorgeous daughter and a wonderful birthfamily. Looks like we are the lucky ones.

sick day

My sweet little girl is sick. It's her first time in life being sick and it's my first time being a mama to a sick baby. It's fun how we go through these firsts together. I love that she is my first and the one I get to share all these with.

She has a runny nose and is very congested. She is not eating as much, due to her lack of being able to properly breathe out of her nose. She has been fussy somewhat. It's been really hard because I just have to watch her suffer. I can't really help. I can alleviate her discomfort at times and hold her when she wants to be. I cannot fix it though. It's a pretty helpless feeling.

I have resisted the urge to rush to the doctor's office. I wanted to. I just know deep in my gut that she's ok and just needs some TLC at home. We are watching her to make sure there's no fever or anything else alarming.

We had lots of fun things on the agenda this week and I have cancelled a bunch of them to be at home so she can rest and get well. It's crazy to say, "Sorry, my daughter is sick so we can't make it today." It makes me want to just squeal. Not the sick part, just the part where I'm a mom to the best little girl ever.

She's definitely growing and changing. Many of her newborn onesies no longer fit. She's too long! She's moving up in the world and guess what... she has some awesome clothes that are 0-3 months. Check out my favorite outfit. There are no words to describe how much we are all loving kitty dress and jeggings around here.

Precious. Seriously precious.

it starts

I've been out and about with Lucy these past few weeks. That's one of the perks of adoption- no recovery! We've gone to Target more times than one probably should. We've been shopping and visiting with friends. We have an outing of some kind almost every day.

Well, it has started. The "it" I'm referring to is the one where people find us intriguing. They don't exactly see how she and I fit together and so they start commenting. It has mostly been out of sheer curiosity and has been harmless. I can see where it will be going from here though. I've heard stories and read many blog posts about how thoughtless and hurtful strangers can be. Fielding comments from complete strangers is something we signed up for when we decided to adopt, especially when we wanted to adopt a baby of a different race. Lucy is biracial and Cam and I clearly are not. The wonderings are bound to happen.

So far we've only gotten things like:

• "Is she yours?"
• "Where does that dark hair come from? Her mom/dad must have really dark hair." 
• "Wow, she's dark." 
• "She's not yours, is she?" 

So, we haven't had anything too crazy. The one about how dark she is made me want to slap someone because I don't think it came from a nice place. I know these are only the beginning. 

It's amazing that we first adopted a newborn and not an older child. I get to practice how I react to people's comments while Lucy is unable to understand. I get more time with that as she is so tiny now. I get to ease into it so that when she is older and able to understand people's questions about our family and why we don't all... match, I will have experience in how I respond and react to the situation.

My hope is that she always sees us reacting in a way that protects her and her story. I always want to react in a way that gives the "attacker" the least amount of power. I always want to react in a loving way that shows Jesus to anyone around. Now, that last one is hard for me. If you haven't met me yet, you should know that I'm sassy. I speak my mind and don't have a problem with a little confrontation. I even think it's a little bit fun sometimes (I know, I'm a sick puppy). So, reacting in love doesn't mean that I show Lucy how to be a doormat. It means that I show her how secure we are as a family unit that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. It may also mean that we educate the public on thinking before speaking.

the view from here

Yes, this is my sweet daughter with her head hanging out of the Moby wrap just so mama has to hold her more. She hasn't let me put her down all morning. I don't mind.

Yes, her tongue is hanging out as she sleeps. It's precious.

Yes, those stripes you see are my jammies. It's 1:15 pm and I'm still in my jams.

Yes, that is a huge pile of clean laundry waiting to be put away. Hey, at least it's clean.

I'm not getting anything done, but I don't care. Today is a lazy, snuggle day with my favorite little girl. Loving that God has blessed us with this sweet baby and chose us to be her parents.

I hope you get a pajama kind of day soon. They are lovely.

up all night

Isn't that the name of a new TV show? I bet I would identify with it now more than ever and would find it quite amusing. I should watch it.

When I wrote that title it's because we are. Miss Lucy naps and sleeps like a champ all day long and decides to have her crying sessions during the night.

Hungry? Couldn't be.
Hot? Nope.
Cold? No way.
Want to be swaddled? Sometimes.
Want to be walked around and around and around? Usually but not always.
Want to snuggle? Sometimes.
Just crying? Ok.

It's painful to listen to her scream. Hurts the ears, but emotionally it's hard on me. I want to help her, fix her, make her all better like mamas do. I want to be patient and loving and gentle because she deserves that. I find that my great soothing skills can go out the window when I'm over tired. I enjoy sleeping at night. I do not enjoy naps. So if we could get this night thing down, I'd be a happy camper. I don't mind getting up to feed her. I really love holding her and seeing her always. I just do not enjoy the crying sessions she has had after her feedings.

We are working on it. Sorry, Lucy, you're parents are brand new at this. We'll get it eventually. Hoping you got lots of sleep last night. :)

yesterday was lovely

Yesterday I was honored at work with a baby shower for sweet Lucy. I was shocked with how many people came, even some old friends came back for it. It was shocking because we have such a new staff this year and some of those girls I have hardly spoken to. They came and bought me presents. It was really sweet. We got tons of stuff and apparently the word is out that we don't bathe Lucy, since many of the gifts were bath related. :) My grade level team threw the shower for me. They spent their time and money to make sure I felt special. It was truly a blessing and I'm overwhelmed with how loving everyone has been throughout this journey.

It's funny the things you probably never thought about. When a woman is pregnant, especially with her first baby, everyone swoons. People want to talk about your growing belly (I realize this can get old or annoying, but get over it. Not everyone has that luxury.) and you have a shower that recognizes that your baby is coming soon. Everyone is helping you prepare by showering you with gifts and giving you lots of attention.

Well, adoption is different. People don't ask about your growing belly because you don't have one. People don't always know how or what to ask if they do genuinely care and want to know about it. It is not often recognized in advance with a shower as that is not wise to do in case of a disruption. People don't shower you with attention and gifts helping you prepare for your little one. It's hard. Call me selfish, but there is a big part of me that just wanted to do this whole thing the traditional way. I wanted all the attention and the swooning over my pregnant belly. I wanted a shower to help me prepare for my first baby.

This was something I really struggled with before Lucy was here and while we were waiting to be matched with her. It felt like our time of preparation was quite lonely. Please don't misunderstand me. Our families and friends were genuinely happy for us and celebrated and cried with us the whole way. We knew our support systems were strong. We I just missed out on all that fun before-hand stuff.

We have been abundantly blessed by God through you since Lucy has been here. It has been absolutely incredible to see the amounts of love that are poured out through meals being prepared for us, gifts given, time spent, and true excitement shown. We cannot express how we have been touched by the emails, cards, phone calls, and visits. Lucy is so loved. We are so loved. Thank you for making our experience of having our first born so memorable.

The doctors say our sweet girl is doing great. After her first appointment she got her foot poked again. I appreciated the stylish bandage. I think she did too. She didn't even cry when they poked her. What a trooper!

She slept through her first hair washing at home. It cracked me up. It also cracked me up that Cam thought I had the water too hot, when really she was just peeing on him. :)

Her hair curls up after she gets a bath. Somehow it straightens back out when it's dry. I can't wait to see what her hair will be like... curly or straight, fro or not. I seriously can't wait. I hope it's crazy and a little fro-ish. I have no idea how to do that kind of hair, but I would truly love it.

Just thought you might want to see a few pictures. :)

neglected blog

hi.

I know it's been a while. I've neglected the blog. There is no doubt about it. I've had good reason though. My neglected blog means that my daughter has been given the attention and swooning she deserves. We've been doing a whole lot of snuggling and watching and caring for our precious little girl.

She went to the doctor on Wednesday for her two week check up. It's crazy that she is already older than two weeks. She is starting to change already. Her diapers that her skinny legs would swim in are already tighter. Her onesies are getting more snug. It's amazing. Don't worry, her double chin is growing (she started with that). The doctor said she looks great and that she is gaining the weight that she should be. I have really loved our doctors and the time they spend with us answering questions and just rambling about her daily happenings. I'm sure out of all that rambling on they get the info they are looking for. We've been very pleased with the support they have given us as far as the adoption goes. They have had many adopted patients before, so they are really great at helping guide us.

We have had so many wonderful, cozy days at home lately. I hate that Cam has gone back to work. I especially hate it because my nights can be really long at times. We miss him when he's gone though. I can't wait for his weekend each week!

We are having so much fun. We've had lots of fun photo sessions too. I have got to go... the girl is hungry. I'll try to be better with updates. Lucy is just the most important thing. :)

meet lucy

I know you've waited to get your eyes on this sweet little girl. Thank you for your patience in waiting to see pictures. We were being cautious and waiting until the birth family signed their final paperwork. That means that we are out of the uncertain place not knowing if she would get to stay with us forever. Our adoption won't be final for months still, but she is ours.... for good. Praise God!

Meet Lucy Jane Wisdom

Isn't she perfect? This is one loved individual. We are so proud and honored to be her parents. 

be flexible

"Be flexible" is our agency's motto for the adoptive family, especially during the hospital time. That has proven to be necessary for us with the changes and extra days without bringing our little girl home. We just had to wait and deal with it. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. It was another way God has stretched us and given us stronger legs to stand on. We spent two nights without her and with broken hearts. Although we struggled through that time, it is nothing compared to the number of nights her birth mom will spend without her. That helps put it into perspective for me. When I feel bad for myself, I just think of Lucy's birth mom and the horrific pain she is going through emotionally. I cannot imagine being separated from this little bundle of joy for a minute, so the thought of a lifetime is overwhelming.

Be flexible. Papers did not get signed today. Lucy's birth mom is on too many pain medications due to physical complications to sign papers right now. Breathe deep and be flexible.

I don't think she is wavering in her decision to place Lucy with us. I don't think she is stalling. I don't think anything bad will happen for us in this. I am trusting that the peace I feel about everything is from God. I know that no matter what happens, God loves me and cares about the little pieces of my life. He will never leave me and Cam and He will never leave Lucy Jane. God is good.

I really don't think birth mom will change her mind at all, but it is the gigantic elephant in the room. It's that final piece of this part of the puzzle. It will give us the ability to rest easy and celebrate that she gets to be our daughter for good. Paper signing has been moved to Friday. Hold on to your britches, didn't I tell you this would be a bumpy ride?! We'll keep you updated.

By the way, Lucy Jane Wisdom is one week old today. She's growing up too fast already!

sorry for the delay

I never updated you on the formal paperwork signing that was scheduled for Monday. Sorry! That meeting got moved to Wednesday. Lucy's birth mom is having more physical complications from the delivery than expected and she's had to go to several doctor's appointments. Please pray for her and her recovery. I know she is in a lot of pain right now physically. I can only imagine dealing with that on top of the emotions from the whole adoption placement as well. Please, pray for her.

Cam and I feel at peace with the paperwork that should be signed tomorrow. We have been texting and chatting over the phone with the birth mom and birth grandma (& great-grandma too for a minute). We feel that they are at peace with the decision at this point. Yay. I'll update when I know for sure about the papers. Until then, continue dreaming of what her sweet little face looks like. I'll share pictures when I know she can stay home for good. :)

Until then we will go back to staring at her, fighting over who gets to hold her, and just relaxing. Life is good right now, my friends. We are enjoying every second of our first born daughter. We know these days won't last so we will savor them. Praise God for the days we've had with her. Keep praying for everything to move forward and that we get many, many more days with her... maybe 18 years worth before she decides to fly the nest!