talking about adoption

We just adopted for our first time two months ago. We are not experts on the subject, but adoption is something deeply personal for us. The days, months, years leading up to our adoption were times of high highs and low lows. I know that it was a sad time for us, grieving the loss of having a pregnancy. It was a scary time, having to trust God that we are stepping into His will for us. It was exciting, dreaming of our babies we didn't yet know (we still don't know all of them).

There were several times during our time to trying to get pregnant and then while waiting to adopt, that I fell to pieces at the sight of a pregnant person or a baby or a shoe that looked at me wrong. Emotions have been very high for the past few years. I remember all the people in our lives that we love that got pregnant. I remember them because although I was happy for my friends and family, it reminded me of the deepest pain I have ever felt. I tried to never take away from someone's great news by bursting into tears about my own sadness. I can't say I was always successful, but I tried really hard. I will never forget learning that my dear friend, Jessica, was pregnant. She rocks, by the way. She has been such a source of love and support to me during this whole process. She handled her news with such sensitivity and I am forever grateful for that. I remember where I was and the conversation we had about the amazing news that she and Josh would have sweet Esther over the summer.

I never wanted everyone's life to stop and feel sad for me. In the same breath I will tell you that I always wanted everyone's life to stop and feel something for me. I wanted understanding, acknowledgement, and on my bad days I wanted pity from everyone I ever knew. Didn't everyone else feel as bad for me as I felt for myself and can't someone fix this problem?

I know talking to me was not always easy. I know people didn't know what to say or how to say it. They didn't know how to ask questions. They would ask inappropriate questions or say something absurd that would, in turn, cause me to say something back. There is a wonderful blog post about how to be a village around an adoptive family. It is referencing an international adoption, but most things apply to our domestic adoption. It cracked me up to read this woman's thoughts on her friends and loved ones, because so many times people are just trying to love us. It comes out in funny ways sometimes. Read it if you have a chance.

Being all wrapped up in myself was pathetic. It was lonely. It was a waste of my life and my gifts. I began to ask God where my time was to be spent. It was in those lonely, pathetic, self-centered times that God revealed to me a really wonderful gift He has given me. I began to develop that gift and spend my energy thinking about other people more.

I am thankful for the way that Cameron and I grow our family. It has given us countless opportunities to rely on God for provision. It has taught me more lessons than I probably ever wanted to learn. It has brought our family into a connection with a family we might not have ever been close to. It brought us our sweet baby. Thank you, Lord, for adoption. We are so privileged to raise our daughter.