sad but hopeful

We have been patiently awaiting the news of whether or not we would be getting matched with the birth mom we met last week. We knew there was something wrong considering she kept needing more time to sort through things. As far as we have been told, she liked us. She really liked us. The connection we were feeling was felt by her as well. I have found rest in that fact.

Well, birth mom wants to do some more "decision-making counseling," which means she wants to receive counsel from the agency and explore what it would look like for her to parent her baby girl. They will go over budgets and look at all areas of life to help her decide if she can parent. This counseling will take a couple weeks for them to have meetings and for her to make any major decisions. We are thankful that she didn't "match" with us and then decide to explore parenting when baby girl is in the world. That would have been far more traumatic for us. So, what does this mean? It means that we move on. I say that with sadness in my heart. There is a chance that if she decides that she wants to place her child for adoption that we could be called if birth mom wants us to parent. It's never over until relinquishment papers are signed.

At this point, we have to move on. I know that may sound harsh or seem like we didn't really care about this baby in particular. You have no idea the amount of love we feel for each baby that might be ours. With that we also feel a tremendous loss and heart ache when the possibility is taken away from us. It's exhausting. This adoption is unlike anything we could have prepared for.

We are hopeful. We know God knows the intimate details of how our family will be built. He is faithful to us and we are trying to do all we can to be faithful to Him. We are hopeful. We found out that there is a Sedona birth mom that will be getting our match letter this week. Her baby is due in August, in less than 3 weeks. Who knows... maybe that baby will be ours.

thanks for reading. thanks for praying. thanks for caring.