a visit to see Lucy

Yesterday was rough. We really miss little Lucy and had to spend the day away from her. We got news around 7:00 last night that birth mom would be ok with us visiting. We, of course, ran out the door. We spent around 3 hours at the hospital with the birth mom and little Lucy girl. It was my favorite time we've had through this process.

We got the joys of holding and seeing our baby- AMAZING. She was clean this time, so she looked so beautiful and perfect. The thing that made this visit so wonderful was the quality time we spent with birth mom. We usually see birth mom in a group or at least with her mom present and things are usually busy with lots going on. Well, birth mom usually sits back in groups and is kind of quiet. We always watch and try to read her, but she doesn't say much and we don't have a lot to go off of. Last night it was just us and her and that little girl we all love. We had an amazing visit with her. She was so chatty and it was cracking me up since I don't usually see her like that. She was comfortable with us and silly. She opened up about the whole adoption process and shared so much about her feelings. She and I were crying and I was loving every second of it. It was the kind of conversation that I wanted to remember every single word of so I could refer back to it when I wanted to. The truth is that I don't remember everything she said. I don't even remember half of what she actually said. I did, however, walk away knowing that she loves Lucy, she's happy with her decision to place her for adoption, and she is happy that it is with us. Enough said. I'm overjoyed at the sound of that news.

It was then that I wanted to thank her. I shared part of our process with this adoption and our feelings. We talked about how thankful we are for her and her openness to us and our families. But I couldn't really express how much I just wanted to say thank you. I guess when the time is right it will come out the way I really mean it. She truly is a strong, loving, amazing woman. I admire her very much and God is using her to touch my life in so many ways. Again, my cup runneth over.

I find myself crying a lot these days. I cried before she was born in the days leading up to it. I was just so tired and scared. I cried when she was born because she is perfect and I got to witness a miracle and I loved her so much that it just hurt. I cry now because I miss her and I'm overwhelmed by the thought of her. She is so lovable and precious and I long for the moments of getting to hold her and care for her.

Today is the day. We have an appointment this morning to do some paperwork. We'll go back late this afternoon to pick her up. Today will  be rough again. We keep just trying to stay busy, but there is nothing we want to do but have her. It's going to feel like a long day. I get to see her in three hours from now and that is good enough for now. I'll take what I can get. By the way... her hair is straight after her bath. She has a full head of thick, black hair. I am in love. I will post pictures when she is home for good. Hang in there a little longer. I know you want to see her and I can't blame you. She is gorgeous. I will leave you with this one photo. It will have to do for now. Isn't her hand beautiful!!!?